he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
