Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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