I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
that is very illegal...i love you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
