I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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