Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
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I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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