On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
