...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
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They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
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I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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