So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
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you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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