just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
