Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
