So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
