is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
