my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
