Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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