I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
