I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
