ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
