There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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