I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
