He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
