you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
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