the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
