we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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