I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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