WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
