best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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