we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
