I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
