just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
