At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
