ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
