but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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