Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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