i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
