Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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