porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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