My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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