Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here