i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
