yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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