someone get that fucking seahorse.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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