Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
