On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
