mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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