She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Acid is not a monday night drug
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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