i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
