Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
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