Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
