I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
