Whod you bang
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
