Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
