I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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