Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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