i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
