My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
