The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
