i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
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i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
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He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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