it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
