i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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