Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
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He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
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See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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