Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
